Monday, October 29, 2007

Where am I?

I feel like I've been dropped on another planet in an alternate universe. This month everything has changed. My present has changed dramatically, my future looks very different, and even my past doesn't seem the same. I know someday I will look back on this time and I hope I will take pride in the fact that I made the right decisions; I have a lot of life-changing decisions to make, some of which will affect others considerably. Please let me make the right choices.

I'm doing the best I can.

I sometimes feel I should be angrier with him. But I have enough going on in my life without adding an extra negative and draining emotion to the mix, so alongside the sorrow and disappointment, I feel compassion instead of anger. He's going to lose everything. This is the life that my family and I thought we'd saved him from, and it turns out that nobody could save him from himself. It's very humbling and disheartening.

He is such a sad and angry and miserable person, and I'd never want to be in his shoes. As hard as my road is right now, I'd still choose it over his any day. At least I'm surrounded by love and light and laughter and learning and goodness and beauty.

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