Monday, September 29, 2008

The beauty of an almost 300-lb body


Strong arms
Clever brain
Baby-caused stretch marks
Meaningful tattoos
Nature's curves
Flexibility
Thick, healthy hair
Regular cycles
Healthy knees
Hearty appetite
Fabulous taste buds
Charming wrinkles
Working eyes and ears
Keen sense of smell
Entertainingly loud yet painless joints
Softness that attracts snuggly children
Handy-dandy buttshelf
A back that loves backrubs
Feet with full sensation
Healthy and relatively unblemished skin
Nimble fingers
Smiley eyes
An expressive face
And more.


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Idgie, Idgie Bo Bidgie

So, I came home from another Texas funeral with another Texas dog. And holy crap, she wormed her way deep into my heart already. I can't even find the words.

Meet Idgie:

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Super Snout
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Artsy Idgie
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The Stray Magnet

Just home from the shelter, and what do we find heading for our yard?

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Sweet old lady was walking in the street and was easily coaxed into arms. I called the number on her rabies tag, the vet called the owners, and the owners rushed over nearly in tears. Scooter's man-human, a church pastor, had been at the police station filing a report, and her woman-human had been horribly upset. Both were exceedingly grateful, and since the kids were the ones who spotted Scooter and brought her in, Scooter's people gave them a $25 reward. (They'd heard about Penny, and had feared they'd never see their Scooter again.)

Look, she has an eye.
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Oh, and Mom? Some priest says hi.

The Sounds of Suki

Another day in the life of Suki.

--cue theme song "Shake, Rattle, and Roll"--

A couple weeks ago, the window that sometimes wouldn't open or close was a concern, but it was soon eclipsed by the opposite door that just won't ever close fully again without professional help. So, now Suki sings shrilly every time she goes over 30 miles an hour. My sweet father--out of parental revenge, I suspect--taught my children to imitate the song of Suki as a sort of game. Or torture. Or something. Fun times.

Now Suki has a new sound. It sounds somewhat like somebody banging a wrench on a pipe (which I initially typoed as "banging a wench on a pipe") to the beat of the anti-metronome. (I'm waiting for the kids to begin imitating that as well. The wrench, not the wench, of course.)

After cranking up the radio to drown it out for awhile, I finally succumbed to the universal nudges pushing me to the car doc. We swing by today and he was thoroughly mystified. How reassuring.

Suki has an appointment on Thursday for a more thorough examination. It's always good for the intern mechanics to learn from an unusual case, right? Suki's Anatomy.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Gay is Contagious

Clay Aiken finally made his obvious status public, and Lindsay Lohan is dating a cutie.

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You go, girls!


Now, why couldn't that hot barista from last year catch it, huh?



On a sadder note, I was witness to a nasty lady yelling "Faggot" to a sweet flamboyant man today when she didn't get her way. I guess I've been sheltered lately, because it shocked me to my core.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Smile


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Guru Who?




You Have A Type B Personality



You're as laid back as they come...

Your baseline mood is calm and level headed

Creativity and philosophy are your forte



Like a natural sedative, you have a soothing effect on people

Friends and family often turn to you first with their problems

You have the personality to be a spiritual or psychological guru

Saturday, September 13, 2008

The Jungle Girl

Marian has always been lukewarm about Bindi, the Jungle Girl, but yesterday told me that she really likes her now and asked me if I could record some of the shows. I agreed, and asked about her change of heart. She said, "Her dad isn't around either. I know it's not the same, but it feels the same."





Kids are coughy, but deemed unlikely to be contagious. Meanwhile, however, I've been diagnosed with severe bronchitis and was prescribed an albuterol inhaler for what seems to be asthma. Interesting.





It's good to be home.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Blessing Patrol

Blessing:
n. Something promoting or contributing to happiness, well-being, or prosperity

American Heritage Dictionary


The beautiful rainbows that ended in the wind farm, and the children's delight at the clean energy being the pot of gold.

The downpour that quenched the earth's thirst, darkened the 8pm sky to pitch black, and provided contrast and increased appreciation for the light of day.

The semi truck driver who led me safely to within 10 miles of my destination, when I could barely see in the pouring rain, black sky, and early night of the last hour of my drive.

My car for getting us there safely, and her windshield wipers for doing their best.

The napkins that caught the leaks from the windshield, and kept my leg mostly dry; the windows that only needed to be partially cracked to keep the windshield unfogged; my warm and dry children and my mostly dry navigation papers.

My neck which is responding well to stretching and is currently letting out its kinks.

My lovely laptop, Sheba, who is connecting me to others.

Joseph, for my renewed awareness of the joys my children bring me. There is, indeed, always more joy to be found.

My children, of course, who are fabulous travel companions, inquisitive learners, generous souls, and fellow humorists.

My family of origin, who never left my mind today. My dad, for wanting to know I'm safe, for sending me mail he knows I'll love, and for letting me in. My mom for her laughter and tears, and more laughter. My sister for her metamorphosis, her strength, and her beauty.

My critters who are waiting for me.

My friends who don't expect too much or too little, who don't let me take too much or too little, and who know how hard it can be to ask for help.

Myself. Because I'm awesome.




It's been a long day. Another long day in paradise. :)

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Rules For Writers

1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.

2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

5. Avoid clich├ęs like the plague. (They're old hat.)

6. Be more or less specific.

8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

10. No sentence fragments.

11. Don't use no double negatives.

12. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out or mispeld something.

13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

14. One should NEVER generalize.

15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

16. The passive voice is to be ignored.

17. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary.

18. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

19. Puns are for children, not groan readers.

20. Eschew obfuscation.


--compiled from various similar uncredited lists online