Wash Your Thoughts

“The artist does not try to identify with the colors he uses. He knows he chooses them, and applies them with a brush. So you paint your reality with your ideas in the same manner. You are not your ideas, nor even your thoughts. You are the self who experiences them. If a painter finds his hands stained with pigment at the end of a day, he can wash the stain off easily, knowing its nature. If you think that limiting thoughts are a portion of you, permanently attached therefore, you will not think of washing them off. You would behave instead like a mad artist who says, ‘My paints are part of me. They have stained my fingers, and there is nothing I can do about it’” (Roberts, 1994, p. 29).





This passage reminded me of a recent study that shows that washing your hands after making a difficult choice can reduce any lingering inner turmoil and tension caused by making that hard decision. This finding fascinated Spike W. S. Lee, a psychology researcher at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor who said, "Maybe there is a broader phenomenon here. Anything from the past, any kind of negative emotional experiences, might be washed away."


istockphoto.com

So wash your spirits and clear your mind, and then you can do anything and be anything you want.

A Stroke of Insight

How it feels to have a stroke

Excerpt:



When I awoke later that afternoon I was shocked to discover that I was still alive... Light burned my brain like wildfire and sounds were so loud and chaotic that I could not pick a voice out from the background noise... Because I could not identify the position of my body in space, I felt enormous and expansive, like a genie just liberated from her bottle. And my spirit soared free like a great whale gliding through the sea of silent euphoria. Harmonic. I remember thinking there's no way I would ever be able to squeeze the enormousness of myself back inside this tiny little body.



But I realized "But I'm still alive! I'm still alive and I have found Nirvana. And if I have found Nirvana and I'm still alive, then everyone who is alive can find Nirvana." ...



So who are we? We are the life force power of the universe, with manual dexterity and two cognitive minds. And we have the power to choose, moment by moment, who and how we want to be in the world. Right here right now, I can step into the consciousness of my right hemisphere where we are -- I am -- the life force power of the universe, and the life force power of the 50 trillion beautiful molecular geniuses that make up my form. At one with all that is. Or I can choose to step into the consciousness of my left hemisphere. where I become a single individual, a solid, separate from the flow, separate from you. I am Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, intellectual, neuroanatomist. These are the "we" inside of me.

The Ten Commandments

George Carlin, baby.

Imbolc 2008

The Imbolc candle.


Imbolc is halfway between Winter Solstice and Spring Equinox. We think of it as Mother Nature being pregnant with Spring, or the Earth being wrapped in the cocoon of winter, halfway through the waiting to become a butterfly. Check out my little butterflies, in their cocoons and with their wings.

















And the photo of the day:



We also made runes for the first time, and our divination was quite interesting and enlightening. That will remain in the family, but we're happy to share the blessed rune box, sculpted by Marian and decorated with runes.




Today was a lovely day of rituals, blessings, magic, nature, exploration, connections, and more. Happy Imbolc!

Welcome to Earth, little ones

I'm enjoying the direction life is heading these days. A new and interesting job, reconnecting with old friends, revelations and actions that have improved my psyche, increased productivity in all areas of life, unusual and interesting foster cat cases, pleasant surprises from loved ones, increased connection with my beloved valley, blossoming friendships, meaty and thoughtful media, and a calmly forceful momentum within the Tao.

Glad to be here, I am. Yes, I am.

Rewind

My year in review, my way.

Learning: I stayed on track with my college course work, the kids moved forward in leaps and bounds with their academics, I began writing more, began learning Tarot, and I learned I was capable of withstanding one of my most challenging life experiences so far.

Loving: I've showered love on my children all year. I've fostered almost 60 cats and kittens for a total of over 1200 days and loved every one of them. I've gently fostered my friendships; this is big for me with my trust issues, and I feel I have done better showing love to important adults in my life this year than before. I've loved myself this year as well, getting into therapy, starting antidepressants, writing, and working to be patient with myself as I navigated some major road hazards in life.

Laughing: Oh, lots of laughing! Kids, cats, dogs, friends, online communities, shows and movies. I find laughter every day. And yin to the yang, I have also cried more and let some deep stuff finally come see the light.

Living: I have certainly lived an interesting life this past year. (Damn Chinese curse. lol) Some have expressed to me their disbelief and sense of unfairness at some of the big things that have happened in my life this year. I'm doing okay, though, and I don't feel unfairly singled out by the universe, or as though I've been given more than my fair share to deal with. My kids are healthy and happy, our home is warm, we have food to eat, we have critters to love and help, I'm pursuing my education. It could be a lot worse, you know? My path has never been easy, and I don't know why, but it doesn't feel wrong. I think over lifetimes it must all balance out. And while my external circumstances might look hard and unfair to some, I think my internal strength and happiness are more than many have. So even in this life it is balanced out. I'm okay with that.


This coming year I want to continue to show my love for myself by focusing on my earthly body as well as my spiritual and mental innards. Other than that, I'll continue focusing on learning, loving, laughing , and living. Can't go wrong there.

Yule Morning

We had a beautiful winter solstice. There was a lot of fresh snow so we didn't drive to our usual spot to watch the sunrise, but instead opened all the curtains in the house and watched the sky lighten from inside our warm home.
Meanwhile, we dove into our stockings...

Such a sweet smile from my oldest


L'il Leo


And my Sophie. She's not very photogenic in the morning. lol



Then we went outside and the kids played in the snow while I shoveled. The sun came over the horizon shortly after these pictures, so you're seeing the lighting moments before.

Marian grinning


Leo. How he can look so angelic, I'l never know.


Sophie splat. She had a hard time getting up and just laid there for awhile.



And the eternally photogenic boy.



We had an absolutely beautiful day. Everyone agreed.

Eve

Tonight I answered the question, "In what ways are you strange?" and thought I'd share my answer here. This is what I wrote:

I'm a single work-at-home lesbian college student and mom of three kids whom I homeschool, and I drive a 17-year-old multicolored car with 260,000 miles and over 40 bumper stickers on it. I'm an eclectic nontheistic Taoist Pagan with Buddhist leanings and I attend a UU church every other Sunday (and lead the children's religious education program). I had an amicable divorce and my ex and I remained friends for a couple years afterward. There are currently 3 dogs and 17 cats in my house (10 of the cats are fosters). I volunteer at the animal shelter on a daily basis, and I'll be graduating with my Bachelor's degree 16 years after I graduated from high school. All the AP gentle parenting stuff, though with all the online support and the kids growing older, it doesn't really seem strange anymore. I can sometimes hear people's thoughts before they speak, I sometimes dream of future events before they happen, I often know who's calling on the phone without caller ID, and I've had contact with bodiless spirits. I'm learning and loving Tarot. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I love being a single mom and don't feel that my lot in life is unfair. My hair grows abnormally fast. There's more, but this is getting really long.


Tonight is the eve of the winter solstice, Yule. Tonight we sang carols and read solstice stories while watching the sunset, then came home and the little ones watched Little Bear's winter solstice, while Marian wrapped presents, and I made our Favorites dinner. After dinner we finished watching Night at the Museum (that we started yesterday), and then each opened one small gift while having our hot chocolate. I read them some wintery books and sent them to bed.

Tomorrow we'll eat breakfast in the car while watching the sunrise (with lots of singing and storytelling) if the roads aren't too bad. Otherwise we'll sing to the sun from the porch. Then stockings and gifts, then the making of gingerbread house and people, then lunch at Chili's. Naptime, some family rituals, and a lot of playing it by ear will follow.


Some Yuletide Carols:
GOD REST YE MERRY PAGANFOLK

Oh rest ye merry, paganfolk,
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember that the Sun returns
Upon this Solstice day.
The growing dark is ending now
And Spring is on its way.

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy!
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy.

Mother Nature rest ye merry, too,
And keep you safe from harm.
Remember that we live within
The circle of Her arms,
And may Her love give years to come
A very special charm.

Oh, tidings of comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy!
Oh, tidings of comfort and joy!


SHARE THE LIGHT
Tune: The First Noel

On this Winter holiday, let us stop and recall
That this season is holy to one and to all.
Unto some a Son is born, unto us comes a Sun,
And we know, if they don't that all paths are one.

Chorus:
Share the light, share the light!
Share the light, share the Light!
All paths are one on this holy night!

Be it Chanukah or Yule,
Christmas time or Solstice night,
All celebrate the eternal light.
Lighted tree or burning log,
Or eight candle flames.
All paths are one, whatever their names.


DECK THE HALLS
Traditional

Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Tis the season to be jolly
Fa la la la la la la la la
Don we now our gay apparel
Fa la la la la la la la la
Troll the ancient Yuletide carols
Fa la la la la la la la la

See the blazing Yule before us
Fa la la la la la la la la
Strike the harp and join the chorus
Fa la la la la la la la la
Follow me in merry measure
Fa la la la la la la la la
While I tell of Yuletide treasure
Fa la la la la la la la la

Fast away the old year passes
Fa la la la la la la la la
Hail the new, ye lads and lasses
Fa la la la la la la la la
Sing we joyous all together
Fa la la la la la la la la
Heedless of the wind and weather
Fa la la la la la la la la



Deck the Halls precedes Christianity, but the other two are borrowed tunes. I figure it's a nice trade when pagans share their decorations and Christians share their melodies. We have more carols that we sing, some original and some borrowed tunes, but the rest aren't easily accessible to copy and paste.

Happy Winter Solstice! I'll try to remember to take pictures tomorrow, but if I don't it because I was too caught up in the here and now to worry about capturing images for the future.

I'm not old yet.

None are so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm. --Henry David Thoreau

Bloggity blog blog blog

The kids and I have been having some lovely days. Lots of reading and counting and math and questions and singing and critters. Those lovely homeschooling days that make it so clear we're on the right path.

I'm getting excited about next semester, as well as years to come. One of my courses next semester requires me to really think and plan for my future and prepare for either graduate school or the workforce. I've decided to pursue my Master's after I graduate. I've always wanted an advanced degree, but even my Bachelor's seemed out of reach for so long. Now I feel that anything is possible. (Except for paying off student loans someday. )

I love Tarot. I've only done readings for myself, and it helps me to clarify my inner goals, thought, and feelings in a way that only journaling has done in the past. The difference is that Tarot helps when I can't find the words even to journal.

You know, people are amazing sometimes. Yesterday I found a large jar full of change and bills on my driver's seat, with a small note inside that said "To Whitney G****". I sat there all dumbfounded and then got giddy and the kids were witness to it all and got very excited. Someone gave us their change jar! How cool is that?! I sent out many thanks to the mystery person/family, as did the kids. It totally made my day and I just beamed wherever I went.

First they came for the Jews

First they came for the Jews
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for the Communists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a Communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists
and I did not speak out
because I was not a trade unionist.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left
to speak out for me.


Pastor Martin Niemöller

Perhaps my chance will come.

"I will study and get ready, and perhaps my chance will come." --Abraham Lincoln

I'm spending my day attempting to finish my research for my sociological paper on trangenderism in childhood and adolescence. Happy thanksgiving!

Plans for the day fell through, so the kids and I are on our own. They're painting and coloring and playing together nicely, and I'm trying to work toward my future. We'll be having sausage and beans for dinner and chocolate-covered frozen bananas for dessert. We'll talk about all we are thankful for, and perhaps create some new traditions of our own. The day isn't about feasting, since spending a week's food budget on one meal simply isn't an option, and we won't be spending it with friends or family, but we do have each other. I love my little family, and I have much to be thankful for: my children, my home, my critters, my education, my spirituality, my strength. And antidepressants.

Two beers last night, and I was partied out.

My novel came to a standstill, but it's more I've ever written towards one before. And it doesn't have to stop with November.

This has been an insane month. Just nuts. I never thought this would be my life.

Goodnight Moon

Making memories.

Tonight we played peek-a-boo with a day-old pumpkin moon the color of milk and honey in the sunshine.

Life is beautiful.

Death is part of life

We had two fosterlings die within a short period of time not too long ago, and both were hard on us. Despite the sadness involved, everyone in the family wants to continue fostering, saying that the love, and joy, and laughter outweighs the grief, and that those we could not save will have another chance someday.

Unfortunately, we cannot bury everyone on our small piece of land, so we give most back to the animal shelter. However, we buried pictures Marian drew along with multicolored locks of Scarlett's hair, and sang our traditional funeral song at graveside:

Fur and feathers and scales and skin
Different without but the same within
Many a body but one the soul
By all creatures are the gods made whole

(from Circle Round)

Then we say goodbye, hope to see ya later, and wish them safe journeys while assuring them they are welcome to stay as long as they need.

Peace, babies.

I heart UU

There are seven principles which Unitarian Universalist congregations affirm and promote:

The inherent worth and dignity of every person;

Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;

Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;

A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;

The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;

The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

New Moon and New Path

Pagans and astrologers know that important activities are best begun just after the New Moon. While I didn't plan it this way, I've ended up on just such a path. Last night was the new moon; after a shocking and scary day, I gazed up at the dark sky and its deepness helped me to let my fear go. I fell asleep visualizing security, stability, and money. (How spiritual of me, no?)

Life is changing and I am taking on the challenge of becoming a creative entrepreneur in order to hang onto the crazy beautiful life my little family has. So entertwined with homeschooling that they cannot be separated, this sweet and full family life is fully capable of expanding to include these new endeavors. I'm thinking positive, laughing and smiling with the kids, and hanging on tight for this wild ride.

And on a more matter-of-fact note, if anyone has any ideas for how to increase my earned income by at least $600 a month while still homeschooling, feel free to post them here. I have a long brainstorming list going and am tackling items one by one. :)

Metanoia

I am suddenly writing all the time; I've filled pages and pages of creative writing, I've submitted several non-fiction pieces to Associated Content, I whipped a press release out of my butt (heart? brain?) in record time. I'm needing to restrain myself from starting on my NaNoWriMo novel, but am jotting down plot notes as they come to me so I won't explode. No prose, though, I swear!

I feel full of spiritual energy; I've been connecting with beings around me more than ever before. I'm feeling pulled to more action than I have for a long time. The Tao is sucking me in and pulling me along where I am supposed to go. I'm reading and thinking and feeling and soaking up every morsel I can, and I'm never full.

I did a Tarot reading for myself tonight that helped me clarify several things and see my path more clearly. I don't know that these cards have divinatory powers; I think rather they may enhance one's own divinatory powers and can be a useful tool to enhance one's intuition and insight.

The other day when everything fell apart, I ran into someone at a time and place when I had deliberately sought solitude and secrecy for my tears. I shared only a little, and declined the friendly help she offered. Unfortunately, another piece of bad news slammed me the next day and I felt I had nowhere to turn. Then I remembered the serendipitous meeting and...I asked her for help. It was very hard. It was very different. And it was very worth it.

Deep thoughts

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." --Gandhi.



I plan to post this on the bulletin board at the animal shelter.

Bumper stickers on my car

Mine aren’t restricted to my bumper.


Wordless:
Yin yang
rainbow
Smiley face
Rainbow peace sign

Wordfull:

Celebrate Diversity (on rainbow background)
My Children are Homeschooled and so were (pictures of Lincoln & Washington)
Mean People Suck
Got Rights?
Tree Hugging Dirt Worshipper
If only closed minds came with closed moutsh
Love your enemies. It really gets them confused.
Stand for Peace
Not Fooled by the Government
The earth does not belong to us. We belong to the earth.
The old ways are alive
Live simply so that others may simply live
Legalize Freedom
Finally, I’m on the right path
Are you part of the problem, or part of the solution?
Hate is NOT a family value
Homeschooling: The world is the classroom
Children should be seen and heard and believed
You don’t work full time til you’re a mom
Anything is possible
The Earth is our Mother . Treat Her with Respect.
Honor the Past, Live the Present, Create the Future
Namaste
Everything is sacred.
Not all who wander are lost.
Nature is my church
You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me
There is no choice in being yourself
Beware of Dog
Don’t Steal-- The Government Hates Competition
Practice random kindness and simple acts of beauty
Dissent gave birth to this nation
War is not the answer

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Marian and I showed off our prowess to ourselves today; we fixed the broken dryer, did every catbox in the house, and generally kicked some productive butt. Amazing what we can accomplish around the house when the car is in the shop.

My car, Suki, has a brand new shiny muffler and exhaust pipe. Not only is her roar down to a purr, but the kids have declared that we need to either clean the underside of the car or speed up the dirtying of the new parts so that Suki will match herself again.

I got a call that my new glasses were in, and rushed over after dinner to pick them up. Unfortunately, they've misplaced one of the new pairs, so I came home with just the black ones. (I'll get pictures of the others when they come in.)





Do I look funky, sophisticated, and Sapphic? If so, these glasses are miracle workers, because I actually feel nauseous, dizzy, and headachey. It's been nearly 8 years since I exerienced the effects of new glasses and a new prescription. Yowza.


Happy full moon. Left the kids out of this evening's ritual and enjoyed my solitude and clear vision. I wish the camera could even begin to capture the beauty of the evening.